Why It’s Okay to Feel Overwhelmed: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Adoption
Feelings of overwhelm as an adoptive parent are normal.
Learn why these emotions arise, how to manage them with compassion, and even make friends with them!
A Normal Part of the Adoption Journey
Becoming an adoptive parent is a unique journey — filled with excitement, love, hope, and, quite often, overwhelming emotions. Emotions that can feel difficult to understand or even accept.
If you find yourself stretched thin, confused, or feeling guilty at times, know this:
You are not alone.
These feelings are a natural part of the process.
Feeling overwhelmed is not a sign that you’re failing; it’s a sign that you care deeply and are navigating important, sometimes challenging transitions.
Understanding the Overwhelm
Adoption brings its own emotional complexity. Everyone’s journey is different, so I can’t speak to every single experience — but there are some common themes, including ones I’ve navigated personally.
You may be carrying:
grief for the biological connection your child — or you — lost
attachment challenges as you build trust
identity questions as you settle into your role as a parent
pressure from judgment, expectations, or responsibility
And that can feel tough.
These emotions also show up physically. You might feel:
restless
tired
irritable
tense in your body
mentally scattered
Sometimes it feels like overwhelm is stacking on top of itself, showing up in every way it can. If you’re thinking, “Yes, that’s me!” — take a deep breath and let it go.
Why Overwhelm Is a Signal, Not a Problem
What if overwhelm wasn’t something to fight, but something to learn from?
Your nervous system is responding to growth, uncertainty, and newness. Being present with these emotions takes courage — the courage to face what’s hard instead of avoiding it.
When you allow overwhelm to exist without judgment, it loses some of its power over you.
Common Myths That Make Overwhelm Worse
We often tell ourselves stories that add unnecessary weight:
“I should always feel grateful and happy.”
Life isn’t perfectly joyful. It’s okay to experience all emotions.
“If I’m overwhelmed, I’m failing.”
Overwhelm is part of deeply caring — not a sign of failure.
“I have to have all the answers.”
Parenting — especially adoptive parenting — is a learning process.
“Other adoptive parents seem to cope better than I do.”
Comparison rarely reflects the truth and often amplifies shame.
Letting go of these myths creates space for self-compassion.
Practical Ways to Manage Stress and Overwhelm
You don’t have to do this alone — or perfectly.
Even a little time spent practising the things that matter to you can help enormously.
For me, getting out in nature with my dog, writing my thoughts and feelings down, or listening to a meditation helps me reset and gain perspective.
Here are some supportive suggestions:
✓ Self-care isn’t selfish
Prioritise sleep, nutrition, hydration, and moments of rest. These rebuild your energy and emotional resilience.
✓ Move your body
Gentle stretching, a few star jumps, walking, or doing some breathing exercises can shift your state almost immediately.
✓ Find your tribe
Connect with other adoptive parents, a therapist you resonate with, or supportive friends.
✓ Adjust expectations
Give yourself grace. Progress always wins over perfection. I remember a supervisor who I had when I was training to be an occupational therapist. She would say to me ‘ Sophie, sometimes you just have to remember, that good is good enough’.
Small Actions Count
This is so important.
And choose things that genuinely feel good to you — not what others say you “should” be doing. Or what social media is saying is the new best thing. Because lets face it that creates a level of overwhelm all on it’s own. Focus on manageable steps that work for you and your household and focus on activities that are meaningful to you.
Remind yourself: This is enough for now.
When the Suggestions Bring Up Resistance
Sometimes practical changes feel easy.
Other times?
You might feel like you take one step forward and three steps back. Or the changes don’t stick.
We can have good intentions… and still struggle. That doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means something deeper may need attention.
On days like this:
Don’t give yourself a hard time.
Do one small thing.
Give yourself space to understand what’s beneath the resistance.
These blogs can help:
• “How Our Belief Systems Block Us from Putting Our Needs First”
Uncover how belief systems and internal narratives make it difficult to put your needs first — and how to shift them with compassion.
• “Beyond The Surface”
Why adoption overwhelm can feel so big. Explore potential contributing factors such as generalised anxiety, depression, perfectionism, insomnia.
• “Why Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You Is a Great Place to Begin”
Feeling stuck or overwhelmed? Why we need to prioritise letting go.
The Power of Being Present Amid Overwhelm
Presence doesn’t mean having all the answers or managing every moment beautifully. And you won’t and can’t be present all the time.
But you can practise giving yourself some emotional or physical space in many ways:
practise breathing exercises or go and scream silently in the loo!
focus on something about your child that makes you smile
listen to a song that lifts you
go for a walk, or any other exercise, find someone to hug or hug yourself
journaling
You will know what makes you feel good — and if not? Experiment.
Then practise what supports you.
This turns overwhelm from a threat into an opportunity — a chance to connect more deeply with yourself and your child.
So, Remember…
Many adoptive parents experience emotional overwhelm during different stages of the adoption journey.
It means you are human.
It is completely expected.
And it is absolutely okay.
It’s part of loving fiercely and growing through change.
Instead of fighting it, embrace it as part of your incredible journey. Allow yourself to feel fully, seek support without shame, and remember:
Every small step you take moves you — and your family — forward with strength and hope.